Anger…Bring It!

by Fionn Zarubica

fionn-zarubicaHave you ever stopped to consider the parts of your anger? 

When we are offended by another individual only about 10 to 20 percent of the anger directed at the offense belongs to the immediate offender, and the rest to old and unreconciled wounds.  Maybe even injuries that are generations old.

Recently a friend bailed out on me at an important moment in my life, and I became so angry that I considered severing our relationship.  It did not help that I dip into warrior mentality at the slightest provocation. 

After some contemplation and several nudges from my guidance, I realized that only 10 percent of my anger belonged to the situation at hand, while the other 90 percent had to do with a childhood experience of disappointment and perceived abandonment by someone close to me, that I had never processed and resolved. 

Truly I was humbled to understand this.

Too often as adults we point our defensive energy at those who offend us in the moment, yet what we are directing at them has very little to do with them.

Having received this insight, I now realize that we must take a moment when we are angry with someone, or a situation, to identify what part belongs to them, and what part belongs to us and to our unresolved issues; and then adjust our reaction to be in line with the contribution of the person, or circumstances we are actually dealing with.

More importantly, we can use these moments to gain insight into that which we have not addressed in ourselves. 

This is essential to our happiness and well-being.  Inappropriately holding others responsible for our anger muddles our relationships, inhibits our progress, blocks our attempts at success and prevents us from living the joy filled lives we are meant to live.

I am not saying don’t get angry, I am just saying get angry consciously.

Read In Serbian >


  1. Abandonment issues and their related attachment issues are tough things to deal with. You are wise to advise a 'tip of the iceberg' approach.